


A Year (and then some)

by nikogda



Category: One Direction
Genre: Adoption, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst, Blink and you miss Nick Grimshaw, Blowjobs, Engagement, Established Relationship, Happy Ending, Implied Food Play, Implied overdose attempt, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Marriage, Mentions of all the following--, Public Blow Jobs, Public Sex, References to Depression, Rimming, Weed, anal sex with out lube, harry with ofc. its a blink and miss it moment, sixty nine
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-29
Updated: 2017-08-29
Packaged: 2018-12-21 11:38:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,603
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11943390
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nikogda/pseuds/nikogda
Summary: ''Smells like pipe tobacco,'' Louis mumbles as he dries his hands and Harry's eyes open and looks at him.''Smells like you, Lou.'' Of course, you think so, Louis thinks as he moves to stand by Harry.''Because, Lou! You remind me of the best things and this tea is the best tea. It smells like warm tobacco on a winter night, drifting through the cold air in wafts of smoke as we sit by the fireplace wrapped up in each other. It's beautiful like you.'' He'd told him once when Louis got curious enough to ask.''You think everything is beautiful, H.'' Was Louis’ response.''Because, Lou. It is. Everything around us is a living organism that has a life and a world of its own.” He'd said.''Even the mug?'' Louis questioned.''Even the mug.'' Harry had said.''Everything, Lou. Everything has a life and a reason behind it. Someday, long after we are gone, after the world has ended and life is over. It will still be beautiful. Everything is beautiful.'' Harry said as he dropped a kiss to Louis' scruffy jaw.---Harry breaks and it takes a year of ups and downs for he and Louis to put themselves back together.





	A Year (and then some)

**Author's Note:**

> **PLEASE**. Read the tags. **This 100% has a happy ending**. Nothing related to Self Harm/OD/Suicide mentions are graphic at all. Hinted at. If you feel something needs to be in the tags PLEASE let me know. I will gladly add it. Again, this has a HAPPY ending. 
> 
>  
> 
> _I really, really need to thank the[ person ](http://www.dimpled-halo.tumblr.com) who fixed all my 1000 errors. I am sorry she endured such a thing and I am so bloody thankful for her input and help. I honestly would not be posting this with out her. She is so wonderful and sweet and never stops me from rambling on at random!_

It's June and the sun is close to setting, it's orange and red hues dancing across the white bedroom as the hours slowly tick by. The black bed sheet used as a makeshift curtain is being held together in the middle with the pull string from the blinds to allow the sunlight in. A pink candle on a folding table by the full-sized bed flickers while the soft clean scent of flowers drifts into the air. It only has a few more hours before it's flame comes to an end and disappears in a waft of smoke spiraling into the air. 

Harry pushes the right leg of his joggers up and scratches at his calf, an old mosquito bite he can't leave alone taunting him as he turns the page in his book. The music drifting around the room in quiet notes and tones dances into his mind. He falls back on the bed with a soft sigh and pulls the book above his head. He draws one leg up and scratches at the site once more. He does it so often he hardly realises what he is doing.

The bedroom door opens slowly but he only notices once the bed sinks next to him and the weight next to him leans into his. He places a thumb on a word in the book and draws his eyes over to the person beside him.

''What are you doing?'' Louis' voice is soft and quiet. He pulls at Harry's arm to see the book he has in his hand and nods. He's seen that book many times before.

Harry does not respond. Instead, he pulls the bookmark from the back of the book and puts it at his stopping point before placing it under his pillow. He moves to his knees and straddles Louis' waist. A knee on either side as he cups his jaw, feeling the scratch of his facial hair against his soft palms. Louis tilts his head as Harry leans in, brushing his lips across his. Once, twice before pushing their lips together in a soft kiss. Louis slides a hand up Harry's thigh, trailing it up to the bare skin on his hip. His fingers digging into the soft patch of skin before moving around and finding the knots of his spine. Louis runs his fingers over the bumps as his hand goes upwards to cup Harry's neck and pull him into a deeper kiss. The taste of Harry's tea, vanilla and chocolate rooibos tea lingers on Harry's tongue as it dances with Louis'. Louis has a love-hate for that tea. It smells like tobacco and tastes like Harry smoked a pipe. But the taste of it on Harry's tongue sends a soft moan drifting out between his lips as he falls back on the bed.

Harry's hovering over him, both his hands on either side of Louis' head and his lips working at Louis' neck. His lips dance across the patches of skin before he slides the flat of his tongue over his jaw, his short beard scraping at Harry's tongue. He presses his lips to the edge of Louis' jaw before sliding down to the pulse point beneath his ear and dragging his teeth over the skin. The slight pressure of Harry's teeth pushing into the tender skin causes Louis to close his eyes, his hands reaching for Harry's thighs as he bites down before sucking with a force that causes Louis' brain to short circuit for a moment. 

Louis opens his eyes as a gasp escapes his dry parted lips and runs his hands through Harry's cropped golden brown hair and pulls his head away. The room is bathed in a deep orange, the darkness slowly creeping behind it and the candle has gone out. The remnants of the smoke still drift into the air. Louis turns his head and pulls Harry's lips to his and kisses him. He feels like his lips will be bruised and pulls away, flipping them both over so he is on top. He looks down at Harry, kissing his nose before laying beside him and nuzzling along Harry's neck.

Harry stares up at the ceiling, the texture on it slowly peeling away. They curl up around each other and just exist side by side with the sound of music and rain to carry them on for hours. 

That was something that Louis loved about Harry. The simplicity of him, living with him, and existing with him. Everything flowed at an easy pace, everything just drifted easily. They floated through life together. 

Louis and Harry, and Harry and Louis. 

It was never one or the other, always the two of them. They were a package deal. When you wanted one you got the other. If one was down, the other was too. Louis wasn’t sure he could exist without Harry. Harry voiced the same concern many times. It was always put on the back-burner of their minds. Not something they needed to worry about.

It wasn’t until that day, long ago in December, that Louis had to face the idea of being without Harry. December was forever a different month to him. No longer just Christmas and his Birthday.

The day that he was woken in a cold sweat, to an empty, cold bed his heart racing and his stomach twisting. Louis felt like he had tunnel vision, that he couldn’t focus and everything moved in slow motion. He saw the light in the bathroom across the hall of their bedroom and he just  _ knew _ .

There was a sinking feeling at the pit of Louis’ stomach, and he just knew there was an impending doom behind the bathroom door. He didn't have to open it to know what he would see. He would be lying if you asked him if he had any idea. At the time the honest answer was a simple no. No, he had no idea that Harry was depressed. No, he had no idea that Harry wanted an out. 

Looking back, Louis saw the signs, like bright yellow post it notes sticking out all over their life together. In everything Harry did, everything he said, the hints were there all along. Louis was just colour blind. 

Louis called for an ambulance. He waited anxiously, his heart beating out of his chest as he let them open the bathroom door. Louis couldn’t dare to look, as he sat on his bedroom floor, the hardwood that should have been redone years ago dug into his skin as he rocked back and forth trying to burn the images he was thinking of out of his mind. The coldness seeped through the thin layers of his joggers—  Harry's joggers.

It was December and the heater died three weeks ago. The snow lingered on the ground as Louis walked home from the hospital. He watched a couple scurry past him in a fit of giggles and he turned around with his hands in his pockets and watched as they stopped before crossing a street and shared a soft kiss and more giggles before the girl darted away in laughter only to be chased by the other person. 

It was January when Louis visited Harry in the hospital after weeks of visiting but never speaking to him. He would wake-up every morning diligently and go down there, sit in the waiting room of the hospital and drink burnt coffee. Come eleven, Louis would set his empty cup down and head to work. After his shift, he’d walk back to the hospital and sit, drinking the coffee he swore was the same from that morning, until visiting hours ended, three hours later. He’d then walk home in the cold January air, late at night with his head down and hands in his pockets.

Louis would walk down the streets that slowly emptied as the time went on and climb the stairs to his shared flat with Harry. Their home. He’d wipe his feet off on the stupid worn out welcome rug that Harry just insisted they had to have. And he’d make tea on the hob.

Louis would drink the tea in a cracked mug that Harry had to have, ''Because it's cute, Lou! It's got a chip and it's never going to be sold. It will sit here and get dusty and be ignored. It needs a home where it will be loved. We have to get it.''

It had the letter 'D' on it, possibly for someone whose name began with that. Harry called the cup Deedee. Anytime he wanted tea Harry would say, ''Use Deedee. She's lonely''. Because of course, the cup was lonely.

Louis would go to bed alone, on his side of the bed. He never knowingly touched anything on Harry's side— his mobile, his lighter and candles. They all laid out how Harry had left them. 

Every night before bed, Harry would pull a candle closer and inspect it, smell it, deciding to light it because, ''It's not loved enough, Lou. You have to love everything equally or they get sad.'' Because of course, they did. 

Louis would lay there and wonder how a boy who loved everything could feel the way Harry did and collapse in on himself the way he did. Why he’d look for an out without speaking out, without asking for help or reaching out. 

Louis turned his attention to the closed bathroom door. Two days after that day in December, Lottie and Fizzy showed up prepared and unannounced. They sat Louis on the sofa and demanded he stayed put. They cleaned the bathroom and disposed of what the paramedics had left behind. Disposed of what was left in the wake of Harry's collapse. 

Louis had closed his eyes and thought back to a few nights previously when they had gone out. They’d gone to a club out of their way that played trance music and the lights moved and were bright and neon. Harry smiled, his eyes wide and taking everything in. Harry had insisted they go because, ''It's magical, Lou. The lights, the music. You can feel the music in your bones. We have to go.''

Harry seemed to find magic in everything.. 

They danced for hours. Their bodies had been wrapped in each other as the music thumped and the lights shimmered, surrounding them in a sea of bodies, all moving together in one giant mass of coloured lights and tipsy smiles. They stayed until closing time, when the music ended and the lights turned off 

They went home and Harry fucked Louis over the back of their sofa so hard it moved out of place. To this day it was still askew.

It was January when Louis sat down beside Harry on his small hospital bed as he stabbed his jello with another straw. It was cold and trying to snow outside while Louis wrapped himself around Harry's skinny form and buried his face into his ribs. Harry continued to put straws into his jello. Louis inhaled deeply and Harry smelled like antiseptic and the lingering scent of bland soap. Louis closed his eyes and pushed his face deeper into Harry as he hummed above Louis.

''You didn't come see me, Lou.'' Harry's voice was small like a child lost in the dark. Louis opened his eyes and peeked up at him. Harry was staring at the door with his head tilted.

''I was scared, H.'' Louis' own voice sounded so far away. He cleared his throat as Harry looked down at him.

His eyes were wet. Louis swallowed as the wetness spilled over, flowing down his cheeks. 

''I was scared too, Lou.'' Harry closed his eyes.

Louis buried his face back into his side, ''I was afraid you were gone, H.'' His voice is almost a whisper.

He thinks Harry can hear it. A hand on his hip confirms it with a light squeeze.

''I am sorry.'' It's soft and quiet.

Louis' eyes wet the hospital gown that barely covers Harry, his back is open and bare as Louis slips a hand down to wrap his arms around Harry's  waist. He loses himself now, like an oncoming storm, the tears flood his eyes and fall down his face soaking Harry's gown onto his skin. His body shakes with heavy sobs as he falls apart. His cries are building and getting louder and Harry's large hand is on his back beneath his shirt. He feels a blanket and hears noises surrounding him. A female chattering as she covers them both. Harry's voice telling her they are fine. 

Are they though? Are they fine? Louis does not know how long he cries, how long he loses control of his emotions. It was like a train hitting a brick wall. He was the train and Harry the wall.

Louis wakes up to the soft beeping of the heart monitor and the sounds of hospital life moving around outside the cracked door. He notices a person and blinks a few times, spotting a nurse. She smiles softly at him as she checks Harry's vitals and turns his wrists over in her hands. That is when Louis notices they are no longer covered. He looks away and puts his attention to Harry's chest. He lays his head on it and listens to his breathing and his heart thumping. He closes his eyes as he hears the nurse as she leaves. Louis leaves as well.

It's February and Louis is laid out naked on the kitchen floor with Harry's tongue working the base of his cock. A jar of marshmallow fluff that is maybe a week past date and too sweet sitting by his thigh. Louis lets out a low moan as he feels his cock being wrapped up in the tight wet heat of Harry's mouth. Louis remembers how he ended up bending Harry over the kitchen sink and opening him up with his tongue and fingers. He remembered using spit on his cock before pushing into Harry with a deep thrust. They both moaned and Harry's fingers searched for something to hold onto as Louis fucked into him until he came on his back with a few flicks of his wrist. They fell asleep on the living room floor on the old faux bear skin rug after making love by the fireplace like cliches.

Louis remembers vividly every time he was fucked at the sink in the kitchen. Over the sofa in the living room. He remembers fucking Harry over the back of a stranger's car behind a club after getting buzzed off cheap shots. He remembers all the times they fucked and got off everywhere but their bed.

''Why don’t we fuck in our bed?'' He questions one late night as he stands up and licks Harry's come off his thumb that he'd swiped from his chin. He just got done letting Harry fuck into his mouth until he came. His own cock was aching for attention. Hard and ready to burst, he pushed Harry down to his knees and licked his lips as fingers tightly wrapped around his cock.

Harry gives him a few tugs as he shrugs, ''We just don't? I don't know, Lou. Why do you ask?''

Louis shrugs and fists Harry's hair as he sucks Louis down. Louis comes down Harry's throat that night by the front door. At least they made it inside the flat this time.

It was February and Harry is sat with a crown of fake flowers on his head. His foot drawn on the counter and chin on his knee as he paints his toenails a shimmering silver. Louis finishes washing the dishes before he grabs Deedee and hands her over to Harry who smiles, accepting it and bringing it to his lips. He drinks the vanilla and chocolate rooibos tea and closes his eyes, inhaling the scent of the steam.

''Smells like pipe tobacco,'' Louis mumbles as he dries his hands and Harry's eyes open and looks at him.

''Smells like you, Lou.''  _ Of course, you think so _ , Louis thinks as he moves to stand by Harry.

''Because, Lou! You remind me of the best things and this tea is the  _ best _ tea. It smells like warm tobacco on a winter night, drifting through the cold air in wafts of smoke as we sit by the fireplace wrapped up in each other. It's beautiful like you.'' He'd told him once when Louis got curious enough to ask.

''You think everything is beautiful, H.'' Was Louis’ response.

''Because, Lou. It is. Everything around us is a living organism that has a life and a world of its own.” He'd said.

''Even the mug?'' Louis questioned.

''Even the mug.'' Harry had said.

''Everything, Lou. Everything has a life and a reason behind it. Someday, long after we are gone, after the world has ended and life is over. It will still be beautiful.  _ Everything _ is beautiful.'' Harry said as he dropped a kiss to Louis' scruffy jaw. 

That night, Louis ate Harry out until he was a writhing mess of moans and sweat. His beard rubbing Harry’s soft pale thighs raw as Harry squeezed Louis in between his legs until he came on his own stomach. That night Harry fucked into Louis while he spoke about how beautiful Louis was. How amazing he was and how he was made of stardust and vanilla. Louis fell asleep with come on his stomach and Harry's shoulder pushed into his face.

It was March when Louis shot up in bed and his hands searched beside him. The bed was cold and he was too. Sweat and deja vu soaked every inch of him. He looked towards the bathroom door. The one that had stayed closed like an unwritten rule. An unspoken rule. They had been using the spare one by the guest room at the front of the flat. The tiny shower barely large enough for one of them, let alone two. But, they made it work.

Louis’ feet padded across the wooden floor as he moved towards the bathroom door. He quietly opened it. Harry turned and looked up from his bath at Louis and smiled. Louis climbed into the small tub with his joggers on. With Harry's joggers on, and pulled Harry into a deep kiss, bruising both their lips. Louis pulled back and Harry searched for air as he opened his eyes. 

''You thought...'' he spoke quietly and Louis nodded.

''I thought.'' he looked at the soapy water, the smell of peonies and citrus in the air.

''I'm okay, Lou.'' Harry's eyes were locked on his face.

''You're okay. Are we okay?'' Louis questioned as he held eye contact with Harry.

''Yes, Lou. We are okay.'' Harry held out a pinky from the soapy water and Louis linked his own with it.

They were okay. 

Harry's back was bothering him and he could not sleep. Of course, Louis thought as he dried off and climbed into bed naked. He removed the bathroom door the next day. Harry put up a beaded curtain with a large rainbow peace sign the following week. Louis rolled his eyes at the gaudy thing. And Harry? Harry, of course, had reasoned, ''Because, Lou. It's beautiful.'' Of course, it was.

It was March when Louis did not come home after going to meet Fizzy's new boyfriend. Harry had been busy with a painting. They had not been speaking and it was taking its toll. Louis fell asleep in a stranger's bed. The stranger slept on a sofa downstairs. They never touched past a handshake. Louis had confided in the older male with greying hair. Had told him about his love and fear which were all wrapped up in a five-foot-eleven boy with green eyes and golden brown hair that was layered to his ears.

It was March when Louis packed his stuff one day while Harry sat in the hall with his thumbnail between his teeth. While Louis kneeled down in front of him and kissed him softly with his hands on Harry's knees. When Louis left, closing the door and leaving Harry behind for the first time in nine years.

Louis knocked on the red painted door, with the gold lion door knocker on it and it opened. Nick stood there with his hip cocked and a sigh. He shook his head negatively and stepped aside.

''Is he going to be okay?'' He questioned as Louis fell onto the large leather sofa with a sigh and his head in his hands.

''He must be.'' Is all Louis said before he kicked his sneakers off and curls his feet up on the sofa and laid down.

It's April when Louis walked into his old flat. Walked into Harry's flat and found it empty and void of life. 

It smelled stale and looked dusty. Louis wondered where the life went from the small flat. He walked into the kitchen and found dirty dishes and rust. The fridge and cabinets were empty. That is when Louis realised nobody is home. He wandered to the bedroom and found all things that would be Harry's to be gone. In their place is emptiness. Everything this small flat had been built upon was gone. As if it never existed.

Louis spent the next few days deciding what his next course of action would be. He wandered the empty London streets at night with his head down and hands in his pockets. He's searching for something. What he does not know. Deep down he knows exactly what. Who would be more correct. 

He found him in a club, his hips swaying against a female's body and his hand under her shirt. Maybe under her bra from the looks of it. He watched as they kissed each other, as he grinds his obviously hard cock into her small pert ass. His stomach twisted and he tasted bile in his mouth. He swallowed it down with a shot of tequila and regret. He found himself walking over to them and pulling her away. A petite voice of protest spoke loudly over the thumping music and Louis grabbed Harry by the wrist. It's only when they are outside that he realised he could feel the scarred lines and dropped his wrist. He faced Harry who is now against a wall and grabbed his hands turning them over. Louis lightly traced the scars with his fingers before leaning down and kissing each wrist softly. Harry's hands cup his clean shaven jaw and brought their lips together. Their lips don't bruise. They end up in the alley, Louis fucking into Harry, dry and rough between two large trash bins.

It's April and they are back together. Sitting on the cabinets in their kitchen eating melting ice cream because the electricity is off. Harry brought a pink and gold mug to his lips and sips at his cold diet coke. Louis scrunched his nose at that while he shoved a spoonful of chocolate brownie ice cream into his mouth. They end up eating melting ice cream off each other's bodies and they sixty-nine on the kitchen floor.

It's May and Fizzy is pregnant. She's crying on their sofa as Harry wraps his arms around her and brings her in for a hug. Whispering words of comfort to her. Louis calls his Step Father and tells him. He sighed and said okay, it will be okay. They will all be okay and work things out. Fizzy stays a few days. When she leaves Harry tells Louis he wants a baby. Louis laughs, he does too. But not right now. Harry tells him he wants one right now and seduces Louis until he takes him on the living room floor by the television with the news playing in the background. Harry comes with Louis' name on his lips and a smile against his chest. Louis doesn't come.

Louis is working two jobs to get everything back on, Harry has sold eighteen paintings and the electricity is on when he gets home. He sips warm tea from Deedee and watches as Harry dances around the living room naked with a cock shaped bong in his hands and the smell of weed filling the air of their tiny flat. 

They are okay, everything's okay.

It's not okay. Louis wakes up in the middle of the night and begins to cry uncontrollably. His body shakes and it wakes Harry. He's immediately pulled into a tight hug that almost hurts. A deep sleep filled voice whispers hush. Lips on to the top of his head bring him back. He pushed Harry down and worked his soft cock up with his hand and Harry's hands dig into Louis' small hips. Louis rides Harry dry and bare until he comes on both their chests and Harry's name on his lips. It was painful at best. A pleasurable pain that Louis needed. Louis wakes up to Harry in the shower and goes to join him.

The water is tinted crimson, ''Because, Lou. Old habits die hard.'' Of course, they do.

Louis sits on the bathroom floor with his knees to his chest while Harry sits in the bathtub while the showerhead sprays cold water on him. They both don't talk. They both cry.

It's June when Harry agrees to talk to someone. 

He goes regularly and comes home and makes tea. They sit and they live their lives. It almost feels normal. Until it doesn't. Harry comes home crying about something. What, Louis has no idea. He just knows he is falling apart in front of Louis and all Louis can do is crumble with him. Because his heart hurts too. The person he loves hurts so bad inside that he takes it out on himself and Louis has no way to fix it. Harry loves everything in the world, finds beauty in everything except himself. Louis cries himself to sleep more often than not. They bandage each other up with kisses and tea. They wrap the lingering wounds both literally and metaphorically in every way they can. Slowly with time they fade and heal. Some wounds linger on like the crack on Deedee.

It's July and the air conditioner is broken again. Harry has not hurt himself in a few weeks and is more open to Louis. Louis wishes he could be the same in return. He takes a bite of the Butterfinger candy bar that Harry has extended to his mouth and chews it. 

Everything is okay. And for once it really _ is _ okay. 

Harry's Mum came over for dinner and Harry told her everything. He showed her every lingering mark his body still carried. May well forever carry. That night Louis lit some candles and turned out all the lights. He stripped Harry of his clothes and kissed every scar his body held. He made love to him on the faux bear skin rug as some candles died and the black smoke drifted into the warm air of the flat.

''I love you, I literally love you so much that I think if you died, I would die,'' Louis tells Harry afterwards.

Harry sits up and looks at his wrists. Louis traces the marks and kisses them. Maybe if he kisses them they will fade, he hopes. They won't.

''I am sorry, Lou. I never wanted to hurt you.'' Harry says quietly, turning his arms over onto his thighs.

''But, you did,'' Louis says.

Harry nods, ''But I did.''

''You're beautiful, Harry. I think you hung the stars and the moon.'' Louis speaks, sitting up and kissing Harry deeply. He tries to convey just how much he needs Harry. Just how much he wants Harry. How he thrives off of everything that is Harry.

It's July and Fizzy comes over, she wants to give the baby up for adoption. Louis nods and supports her. She stays for dinner and Louis does the dishes while Harry tells her what all has been going on. He finds them crying together over a rom com hours later after he showered and did the laundry. 

It's still okay. And it really is okay. 

He tells himself not to get used to it.  

Harry goes with Fizzy to her appointments and takes her home later. He always finds Louis on the sofa or in the kitchen. Harry takes up pottery and sells the items online. They fix the air conditioner and Louis laughs as Harry once again dances around naked with the cock bong in his hands.

They are at a club, it's the end of July and Harry is dancing with a large muscular man against him. Louis takes a shot and watches them closely. The man seems to be under the impression that the young male he is grinding against will be doing anything with him later as he snakes his hand down towards the waist of Harry's obscenely tight jeans. Harry's eyes catch Louis' as he licks his lips. Louis is off the bar stool and next to Harry in an instant. Their lips collide and Harry wraps his body around Louis, moaning into his mouth. The muscular man disappears. Louis moves so that Harry's back is to his chest and he slides his hand down. Undoing the belt and the buttons on Harry's jeans. Anyone could see if they chanced a look their way. They swayed to the music in the middle of the sea of people dancing to the beat of the music in the dark dingy club. Louis works his hand over Harry's cock inside his jeans, moans escaping his lips and echoing out into the music.

No one could hear. Louis has no mind on what is right and what is wrong as he turns Harry around and drops to his knees pulling his cock out of his jeans on the dance floor and pumps him once, twice. He wraps his lips around the head of Harry's cock and swallows him down. Harry runs his hand through Louis' hair, pulling tightly and thrusting into his mouth. He glances around and takes note of a few onlookers. But for the most part no one realises and those that do, well they seem to be too drunk to mind. Harry fucks into Louis' mouth hard and fast as Louis' eyes tear up and he gags on the large cock in his mouth. He feels Harry spill down his throat and he moans around Harry's cock.

He pulls back and looks around and hears a few applauds and blushes as he stands up. Harry has put himself away and kisses Louis hard and fast.

They collide against the wall of the living room as soon as they get inside their flat. Harry fucks Louis with his tongue until he is a mess of moans and coming on the off-white painted wall. They fall asleep on the sofa smelling of sweat, smoke, come and alcohol. It was a good night.

It's August and Harry is in a mental rut. It had been so good while it lasted. He isn't eating and the sex is gone. The storm outside pounds against the window and the lights flicker before the power comes to a stop. Louis sighs and lies on his stomach beside Harry.

''It's so beautiful, Lou.'' Because, of course, it is, he thinks.

''Yeah... You are beautiful, H.'' Harry turns his head and smiles at him.

''Will you be okay?'' Louis questions.

Harry nods, ''I will this time.''

Louis believes him.

It's September and Harry is doing better. Louis went to therapy with him and the therapist explained so much to Louis. It helped. 

They went out to dinner that night. The first time in a long time. Sat at a roundtable with candles between them as they sipped on wine and ate food they could not pronounce. It was great for once. Nothing was hurting either of them and it was an honest moment. 

Harry was genuinely happy. He was trying to get better and be better. He was succeeding, slowly but surely.

They end up back at their place and start undressing quietly in their bedroom Louis turns around to find a naked Harry standing behind him. A rose in his hand and a smile on his lips.

''Will you marry me, Lou?'' He questions and Louis stares.

Harry tilts his head in concern and Louis' hands shake.

''I am serious, Lou. You are the most beautiful man ever. Your heart and soul hung the moon and stars. You're my Stardust and my vanilla and I never want to live a life where you are not in it. You have stood by me. Even when you did not... even when you did leave. You never truly left where it mattered the most. You are so beautiful, Lou. Nothing can or will compare to anything ever. Not in this life or the next.''

Louis' not crying. Only he is. He really is and he nods as he wraps his arms around Harry's body.

Because yes, he will marry Harry. He will marry him so hard. He will never let this man out of his life again. Everything Louis does in his life is with the thought of Harry. Every thought about the future involves Harry.

It's October and they eloped. They flew to Las Vegas like cliches and got married in a little white chapel. Harry wore a cheap veil that was already torn and Louis laughed. They fucked in the bathroom of the little white chapel and lost all their money they brought on slots. They go home and have a large dinner for everyone. They make the announcement to pissed off family members. Tears are shed but the mood is lifted quickly with celebration. Harry takes Louis' last name and life is amazing. It's everything Louis could ever dream of and more.

The autumn air surrounds them as they walk hand in hand with matching tattoos on their ring fingers. That night Harry fucks Louis until he comes. Louis fucks into Harry until he comes. They make it work and it is wonderful. Harry plants kisses all over Louis’ body and proceeds to worship everything about him. He works his hardest to show how grateful he is for everything Louis has done. Louis may have gotten emotional before Harry ran the flat of his tongue over the underside of his cock. If no one noticed, well that does not matter. Louis comes down Harry's throat and Louis kisses Harry as if his life depended on it. He sort of thinks it does at this point.

It's November and a feeling is overcoming Louis lately. The air has cooled and the leaves have all fallen. The feeling in the air is unsettling to Louis and it bothers him. He watches Harry closely as he moves about their married life like always. The way that Harry does. He finds the typical beauty everywhere and in everything. Louis decides one night after dinner after they've had sex to bring it up. Harry insists he is fine.

''Because, Lou. Why would I not be okay? I have the man of my dreams right beside me. The man I will live forever and always with. My stardust and vanilla and all that.'' He yawns out and Louis nods.

''Of course, H. I love you.'' Louis responds before kissing him goodnight.

He believes him because, why not?

It's November and Louis still believes Harry is okay when he finds him drunk in the bathtub at three in the morning. Because he is Harry and he went to a friend’s going away party. Louis kneels down at the side of the tub and listens to Harry babble on about random things. He is happy and it shows until he is not and it too shows. Harry sobers up rather quickly and the words fall out of his mouth like they were nothing. Louis almost didn't catch them.

''What?'' He questions and Harry swallows.

''A year ago today. I tried to overdose. I forced myself to throw up and took a shower and went to bed. That was the day you thought I had a bug or something because I slept for almost two days... You never knew.'' His words are a slurred mess but Louis understands it.

He climbs into the tub and kisses Harry. He kisses him like his life depends on it because maybe it does. He doesn't stop until the water has gone cold. Their fingertips are wrinkled and they shiver in the cold air of the night.

''Heats out again,'' Louis mumbles as they dry off and climb into bed naked.

Harry mumbles incoherently about tomorrow and bills and they doze off.

It's December and things are okay. Louis thought that last year as well. However, this year he fully believes it. Once again, he believed it last year as well. He takes each day as it comes and so does Harry. Their lives have been a constant up and down roller coaster for the last year and everything he fought for comes down to this moment.

However, he did not know that all the fighting emotionally and physically would lead to this moment. That when it all started a year ago, they would end up where they are a year later. He picks up the pen and writes his name before handing it over to Harry. He watches closely as he does the same.

Finally, there was one more signature needed and Harry handed the black sleek pen to Fizzy. She signed her name without hesitation and put her hand on her stomach. Harry stood up and shook the lawyer's hand. They packed up their things and left the fancy office. Harry opened his arms to Fizzy and they cried like goofballs in the hall by the lifts.

''It's not too late. We can go back in there.'' Louis said as he hugged Fizzy.

She nodded, ''No. I have thought so long about this and, it just feels right. I trust you both so much and you both have gone through so much. I want to give you guys this gift. This life deserves the love you two can give it. I know in my heart this is without a doubt the best option. And this way I can watch her grow.''

''You're still going to be her mother, Fiz,'' Harry says as he smiled down at her. She nods.

It really is okay. And it will be okay despite anything that comes their way. Because they are a team. Louis and Harry. Harry and Louis.

Stardust and vanilla and the beauty in everything. Only now it's May and Harry is rocking a little tiny three-month-old baby girl with almost black hair and blue eyes in his arms. He coos down at her as she opens her tiny eyes and he sways. Louis watches from the sofa and smiles.

''She's so beautiful, H.''

"She's our little Stardust,'' Harry says.  

And it was amazing.

It's June when Louis puts the tiny little beauty he has fallen so in love with down for a nap. Her tiny little breaths coming out in little puffs and his heart swells with love for her. He walks into the bedroom where he finds Harry reading and music playing as the sun begins to set. He smiles before he goes and joins him on the bed. It all works out in the end he thinks. There is no if or but this time around. He believes it. Harry does too as he puts the book down.


End file.
